Thursday, November 14, 2013



Thor: The Dark World ended with the biggest plot twist the MCU has ever seen: Thor's nefarious brother Loki staged his own death and is now sitting on the throne of Asgard by wearing his father as a Halloween costume. The scene may be shocking, but it doesn't so much as hint at Loki's future plans beyond, "order the guards to play ultimate frisbee for my own amusement."

For fans of the comics, however, Loki's reveal as the king of Asgard - coupled with the sudden inclusion of the "infinity stones" during the mid-credits scene - was a moment worth soiling oneself over.

So what does Benicio Del Toro in clown makeup have to do with Loki doing the whore-sit on the throne? Well, does anybody remember the ugly guy who showed up at the end of the mid-credits scene of The Avengers?

The one who looks like a potato that got beaten with a rake?

That purple monstrosity above is known as Thanos, and here's what we know so far:

1. Thanos gave Loki the scepter.

2. The scepter has a stone in it that can control minds.

3. Thanos sent Loki and the Chitauri army to Earth to get the Tesseract.

4. Loki was told that if he failed, he would "long for something sweet as pain."

5. Loki failed spectacularly.


Ever since The Avengers, people have theorized that Loki intentionally botched his mission on Earth. Of course, just as many people think "failing for a grander scheme" gives Loki too much credit, and I, for one, think the theory gives Joss Whedon too much credit. Still, when you look at the facts, Loki failing on purpose is not as crazy as it sounds. First of all, Loki hates the Chitauri. He makes it perfectly clear how he feels about them ("I don't threaten," he says as he points the scepter in the Chitauri general's face). On the other hand, Loki seems to fear Thanos, going so far as to practically cry like a little bitch when the Chitauri tell him what will happen if he fails:

                      - The God of Mischief

But what does Thanos actually want? Well, The Avengers tells us he wants the Tesseract, but fans of the comics know that's a pile of bull. It's not until the mid-credits scene of Thor: The Dark World that the pieces start coming together. The Tesseract is one of six infinity stones, and the Aether is another. I'd bet my left boob that Loki's scepter is the third one (god I hope I'm right). So why does Thanos want the infinity MacGuffins? Because the six stones fit into something called the Infinity Gauntlet, which can be seen in the weapons vault in the first Thor movie:

Those idiot Frost Giants just ran right past it!

So at the end of The Avengers, Loki's sent back to Asgard with the Tesseract, which is... exactly what Thanos would want, right? Loki had to fail in order to get back to Asgard. The only flaw in the plan is that Loki's sent to prison and loses access to the weapons vault. Still, it's safe to assume Loki knew he could slither his way out of jail. Remember when Tony Stark told Loki, "There's no throne. There is no version of this where you come out on top"?


                               - The motherfucking king

Okay, so now we've got Loki on the throne. He's dismissed Thor to Earth and gained unlimited access to the weapons vault. Loki's put himself in the Prime Puppet-master position. The question is... is he being puppeteered himself? And whose side is the Collector on? Here are my three shit-hits-the-fan theories:

Theory #1:

Loki and the Collector are assholes and give Thanos everything he wants.

This assumes Loki sent the Aether to the Collector because they're in cahoots.

That's definitely a face you can trust.

If Sif and Volstagg went to the Collector with one of the most dangerous weapons in the universe, we can only assume it was on Loki-dressed-as-Odin's orders. The Collector did say, "one down, five to go," in an ominous voice, so it's safe to assume he's up to no good. So Loki and the Collector sit on/gather the infinity stones, and then Loki hands the Infinity Gauntlet and the stones over to Thanos like it ain't no thang. This will probably lead to Thanos trying to destroy the universe and the Avengers having to whoop his ass in Avengers 3.

The complicated twist: The possibility that Thanos has been using the scepter on Loki and Loki's not fully in control of his actions. There's a lot of evidence to support this twist, including Loki's bright, blue eyes in The Avengers, the fact that he seems to remember the events of Thor incorrectly ("I remember you tossing me into an abyss!"), and his very out-of-character speeches about the joys of giving up freedom.

"Freedom is life's great lie."
                                        - The guy who loves freedom

Thor, who's not really as dumb as people think, hits the nail on the head in The Avengers when he asks Loki, "who controls the would-be king?!" and Loki doesn't even answer the goddamn question.

Theory #2:

Loki and the Collector are opposed to Thanos, and Loki's secretly trying to save the universe.

This theory's a lot of fun to think about. Let's assume Loki hates Thanos. Loki seems afraid of Thanos, and if Thanos did use the scepter on him, Loki's probably pretty resentful. A lot of people theorize that the scepter's spell was broken when Loki got Hulk-smashed (since "cognitive recalibration" was the only thing that snapped Hawkeye out of it). If that's the case, Loki might have taken the throne of Asgard to put himself in a position to stop Thanos, and then sent the Aether to the Collector to keep it out of Thanos' hands.

However, since Thanos is pretty much guaranteed to be the villain of Avengers 3, this theory only works if Loki fails spectacularly again.

Theory #3

Whether or not the Collector is opposed to Thanos is irrelevant because Loki plans to usurp Thanos and become the Grand Master Asshole himself.

In this theory, Loki is the ultimate supervillain. He'll help Thanos gather everything he wants - all the stones and the Infinity Gauntlet - and then snatch them up for himself. In this scenario, Loki probably destroys Thanos - along with a galaxy or four.

Which would mean that in this scenario...

Loki initiates Ragnarok.

In both Norse mythology and the comics, Loki is the harbinger of Ragnarok - the Norse Apocalypse. If Loki gains the infinity stones and puts them in the gauntlet, he'll have enough power to destroy all the things. This plot path is insane, so I have my doubts about whether or not Marvel will be ballsy enough to attempt it. I did some research online, however, and found this quote from Thor actor Chris Hemsworth about the upcoming Marvel movies:

"I think that in the comic book the sort of end of days, Armageddon aspect is probably the direction [the movies] will all head in."

So, um...


Sure hope the Guardians of the Galaxy movie will shed some light on where the goddamn fuck this is all going..........

Comments? Thoughts? I'd love to hear what others think!


  1. Thanos doesn't have to be thor III or @vengers III, he could be guardians of the galaxy, in which case surtur is the super villan somehow.

    1. That's actually a really cool idea (huge closet Surtur fan here).